Annoying vs. Assertive: Striking the Right Balance During Your Job Search

Navigating a job search can sometimes feel like a balancing act. You want to stand out to potential employers, demonstrate your enthusiasm, and show that you’re right for the position; however, there’s a fine line between being assertive and coming across as annoying. Today we’re going to talk about the differences between assertive and annoying behavior and provide you with some strategies you can use to be an assertive, confident candidate. Let’s begin.

Assertive vs. Annoying

The distinction between being assertive and being annoying often comes down to tone, timing, and frequency of communication. Assertiveness is about expressing your interest in a job and your qualifications confidently and respectfully, while over-communication, lack of consideration for the hiring manager’s time, or coming across as desperate can be annoying.

Let’s say you had a great interview, and you’re excited to follow up. Here, an assertive approach would involve sending a concise, polite thank-you email within 24 hours, expressing your gratitude for the opportunity, reiterating your interest in the position, and highlighting one or two key points that make you a strong candidate for the role in question.

On the other hand, an annoying approach would involve bombarding the hiring manager with multiple emails or calls within a short period of time, repeatedly asking for updates, or showing up unannounced at the company’s office—yikes. This behavior indicates desperation rather than confidence, and can make you appear difficult to work with, or worse.

How to Be Assertive

When it comes to communication during your job search, timing is crucial. Follow up promptly after an interview or application submission, but give the hiring manager enough time to process your application. You may send a thank-you email within 24 hours of an interview, and if you don’t hear back within a week or two, it’s totally acceptable to send a polite follow-up message. Conversely, if you follow up the day after your interview with another email asking for an update or call the hiring manager repeatedly without giving them time to respond, you risk coming off as annoying and impatient.

Along with good timing, your communication should be concise and to the point. Long-winded emails or voicemails can be overwhelming and may cause confusion. Clarity is key—make sure your intentions are straightforward and easy to understand. Here is an example of an assertive thank-you email:

“I wanted to thank you again for the opportunity to interview for the marketing coordinator position. I’m very excited about the possibility of joining your team, and I’m confident that my experience in digital marketing aligns well with the needs of your department. I look forward to hearing from you.”

In the spirit of being thorough, here is an example of an annoying thank-you email:

“I haven’t heard back yet, and I’m just wondering if there’s any update on the hiring process? I’m very eager to start and have been waiting anxiously. Please let me know what’s going on as soon as possible.”

The difference between the above examples is clear. The assertive example is polite, positive, and confident, while the annoying example is pushy, impatient, and desperate. If you’re ever in doubt, read your thank-you email out loud to perform a tone check. This can help to determine how the hiring manager might interpret your message. If possible, you may also have a trusted friend or family member review your message before you send it.

It's also important to respect the hiring manager’s boundaries. If they tell you that they’ll get back to you in two weeks, don’t follow up before that time has passed. Similarly, if they prefer communication via email, don’t call or message them on LinkedIn. For example, if the hiring manager said they’d contact you in two weeks and you haven’t heard anything back after three weeks, sending a polite follow-up email is appropriate. Calling or emailing multiple times before the timeframe provided has passed shows a lack of respect for the hiring manager’s schedule and can easily become annoying.

While it would be to your advantage to show that you’re interested in the position, there’s a difference between enthusiasm and desperation Desperation can be a red flag to employers, indicating that you may not have other opportunities or you’re not confident in your abilities. An enthusiastic candidate might sound something like this:

“I’m very enthusiastic about the opportunity to work at your company. I’ve admired your work for some time and believe that my skills in project management would allow me to contribute positively to your team.”

On the other hand, a desperate candidate might say something along the lines of the following:

“This job is really important to me, and I’m worried because I haven’t heard anything back yet. I really need this job and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get it.”

Demonstrating confidence is key during your interactions with the hiring manager. Employers want to hire candidates who are confident in their abilities and can take the initiative without being overbearing. A well-prepared, confident candidate would say:

“I’m confident that my experience in sales and my ability to build strong client relationships make me a great fit for your team. I look forward to the possibility of working together.”

If the manner in which you communicate is overbearing, you could come off as annoying, which isn’t a good look. Avoid saying things like the following:

“I know I’m the best candidate for this job, and I’m sure you’ll agree once you’ve had a chance to review my application. I’m eager to get started as soon as possible.

As you can see, there are better ways to demonstrate confidence than what is shown in the example above. Striking the right balance in your communications with the hiring manager is key. When you’re respectful of the hiring manager’s boundaries and you come off as confident and genuinely interested, you’ll present yourself as a strong, professional candidate. Remember, the goal is to stand out for the right reasons—not by overwhelming the hiring team with excessive communication.